As promised, here are some life lessons from my favorite forensic scientist (as shared with our students).
"... don't pee on someone's jacket, it's just not nice"
"... if you work in forensics, it helps if you have a perverse sense of humor"
Being a criminal:
"... being a criminal is a hungry business"
"... if you're breaking into a house, remember to take your clothes with you"
"There are some prosecutors that I wonder "how did they make it through law school... and how are they still breathing?""
Carrying a fire-arm:
"I get 10 bullets... 5 to shoot at the suspect, and 5 to shoot while running away"
The call of nature:
"I love our new crime scene truck. It has a toilet!"
"... if you've got to go, and there's no where that you can go... it gets painful!"
"... I got to drive 100 mph down the highway... it was awesome!"
"... this was the first time I had to swab blood from feces"
Crime scene equipment:
"... you never know when you'll need a shovel"
"There are two ends to a measuring tape, the smart end and the dumb end... I prefer the dumb end"
Student: "Why do so many people need to be contacted to send a forensic unit to a crime scene?"
Forensic Scientist: "That's a really good question... people need to justify their jobs"
The great outdoors:
"... me, I'm one of those weird people, I don't mind the smell of skunk"
"... in your lifetime, you should throw your shoes away."
"I had a buddy who ran over a bloated possum once. . couldn't get the stink off for weeks"
How to be an effective criminal:
"... a gunshot to the head is more likely to produce blowback than one to the abdomen... especially if its a fat guy"
"... if you're going to injure someone, don't do it on carpet"
"If you break into someone's house. .. take the chicken leg with you"
Tips on being a victim:
"If you're getting beat up, make sure to throw out a contact lens."
". . you don't want to come across my desk."
"...there's a lot of blood in a 300lb man"
"It would take 7.2 trillion sperm to reach from here to the moon"