Life lessons from a forensic scientist...

As promised, here are some life lessons from my favorite forensic scientist (as shared with our students).

Revenge:
"... don't pee on someone's jacket, it's just not nice"

Career choices:
"... if you work in forensics, it helps if you have a perverse sense of humor"

Being a criminal:
"... being a criminal is a hungry business"
"... if you're breaking into a house, remember to take your clothes with you"

Lawyers:
"There are some prosecutors that I wonder "how did they make it through law school... and how are they still breathing?""

Carrying a fire-arm:
"I get 10 bullets... 5 to shoot at the suspect, and 5 to shoot while running away"

The call of nature:
"I love our new crime scene truck. It has a toilet!"
"... if you've got to go, and there's no where that you can go... it gets painful!"

Job perks:
"... I got to drive 100 mph down the highway... it was awesome!"
"... this was the first time I had to swab blood from feces"

Crime scene equipment:
"... you never know when you'll need a shovel"
"There are two ends to a measuring tape, the smart end and the dumb end... I prefer the dumb end"

Student: "Why do so many people need to be contacted to send a forensic unit to a crime scene?"
Forensic Scientist: "That's a really good question... people need to justify their jobs"

The great outdoors:
"... me, I'm one of those weird people, I don't mind the smell of skunk"

Hygiene:
"... in your lifetime, you should throw your shoes away."
"I had a buddy who ran over a bloated possum once. . couldn't get the stink off for weeks"

How to be an effective criminal:
"... a gunshot to the head is more likely to produce blowback than one to the abdomen... especially if its a fat guy"
"... if you're going to injure someone, don't do it on carpet"
"If you break into someone's house. .. take the chicken leg with you"

Tips on being a victim:
"If you're getting beat up, make sure to throw out a contact lens."
". . you don't want to come across my desk."

Random facts:
"...there's a lot of blood in a 300lb man"
"It would take 7.2 trillion sperm to reach from here to the moon"